Understanding coercive control
Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse involving patterns of behaviour used to control, manipulate or intimidate someone. It is often subtle and develops over time, making it difficult to recognise.
It can effect anyone and may have a significant impact on a person’s confidence, independence and sense of safety.
Coercive control may include:
- Isolating someone from friends or family
- Monitoring messages, calls or movement
- Controlling money, work or daily activities
- Using threats, intimidation or humiliation
- Undermining confidence or self-worth
These behaviours are often repeated and form a pattern. They are also often mixed with affection or apologies, making them harder to identify as abusive.
If you are in immediate danger call 999, or for 24/7 advice, call the free National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 2000 247.
The Cycle of Abuse
Abusive relationships commonly follow a repeating pattern, this is called the cycle of abuse.
Tension building
The abuser is irritable, starts picking fights, gaslights, increases control, criticises or withholds affection. This can lead to the victim-survivor to walk on eggshells, try to reason with the abuser and experiences anxiety.
Incident
The abuser is verbally, physically, emotionally or sexually abusive. They make threats, slam doors, intimidate, stalk or give the silent treatment. This can lead to the victim-survivor to protect themselves, leave, nurture the abuser, call the police or try to please them.
Reconciliation
The abuser apologises, makes promises, offers affection, love bombs, justifies behaviour or shifts the blame. This can lead to the victim-survivor dropping legal proceedings, staying, moving back in or forgiving the behaviour.
Honeymoon
The abuser acts calm, peaceful, loving, kind and acts as if the incident didn’t occur. This can lead to the victim-survivor feeling relief, hopeful, loved and happy. This stage doesn’t last long though and tension begins to build again.
This cycle can make it difficult to leave as periods of kindness and peacefulness can create hope for change.
